Boyfriends are weird in the sense that they are so much better when you're not with them. Or maybe its just because I never really, truly liked Louis. You know? Its like what Woody Allen says in Annie Hall:
Doctor! My brother thinks he's a chicken!
Well, bring him in so I can have a look at him.
I would Doctor, but I need the eggs.
Or its something like that. I needed the eggs. The metaphorical relationship eggs. I'm over-analysing again. I just wanted to be in a relationship until something better came along. Does that make me a terrible person? Whatever.
Like, all the best conversations I've had with Louis are in my head, because in real life he says something so unbelievably stupid, like chamomile tea. No, not ca-momile like the 'a' sound in cat (the obvs correct way) but chhhhhh-amomile like the 'ch' in cheese. What the actual f*ck? Or something like "I have never fully read a book." Well there goes our super sexy conversation about today's relevance of Chuck Palanhuik. Good f*cking job, try getting me wet after that.
Sure, I mean the sex aspect is alright with Louis, but I mean after a while, being with the same guy is so repetitive and you know exactly what he's gonna do. You know all his moves. I mean, we're not old and married, watching repeats of The OC (cause that will be our generations equivalent to Get Smart or Hogans Heroes) together. We're young and at our horniest. Cause you know, that right after he chokes you and then bites your neck that he's gonna pick you up and then throw you back against the bed #vanilla. Honestly, the sex was average, and according to Cass, cause its like a f*cking time warp in there, our sexing only lasts on average roughly twenty minutes #pooreffort.
I didn't even feel those nervous butterfly's anymore. That's when you know a relationship is over. Or when he kissed you softly or pulls your hair, chokes you and then slaps your ass, and you're thinking
"Ugh, again?"
I don't even know whats happening. We could be together or we couldn't. We haven't spoken in a while and honestly I really don't care. I am so tempted to text him being like,
You are dropped.
Just to be really dramatic and aloof. Also I've been watching too much Puberty Blues.
I think he's in Queensland right now, but I'm not really sure. And I don't really care. I have Woody Allen and Casey Affleck to obsess over.
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