Who needs to be emotionally stable when you're pretty and smart?

The most perfect couple of all time ever, apart from Seth and Summer

I really want to be in a relationship where everything is just so easy and glamorous and aloof and calm and skinny and sweet and clean and messy. Is that too much to ask? Why couldn't I be a part of the Depp/Moss relationship. I'm sure they wouldn't have minded if I tagged along, casually third-wheeling, occasionally watching them have sex. You know, sweet and cute things. Boys are so stupid. I just wish they would follow the script in my head. No one ever does and then I realise, maybe that's why I hate everyone.

Louis came back from wherever the hell bogans go nowadays. He hasn't said anything to me yet so I'm going to assume he's dead. I really honestly don't care about him. He's probably out there f*cking some bogan, whatevs.

I can't tell if Adam likes me or not. He's really weird and awkward and completely lacks social skills. Maybe I should just take my top off next time I see him. I think he would just be really confused.

"So should I take my top off as well? Um did you want me to try the top on or?"

I basically just told him that he needs to get over his girlfriend. Then I freaked out and apologised. He still hasn't responded #iwanttocurlupintoaballanddie.

Being completely surrounded by other hormonal girls just really consumes me in all the pretty girl problems of being forever alone and pathetic and single and horny. I'm skipping maths again and I'm in the library. Our conversation turns to Marky Mark, obvs.

"He would have so f*cked me back then. Like in the 90's. He so would have, he was so f*cked up on drugs. Everyone did drugs in the 90's. Look at Eminem.", Leila says.

Issy's doing her legal homework but then gets distracted when we start discussing whether we would rather be attractive, smart or emotionally stable. Everyone says attractive and smart. Who needs to be emotionally stable when you're pretty and smart? You can get away with so much more shit.

"Yeah, shes crazy, but, shes hot.", says my future boyfriend, Ash Stymest.

Chamomile Tea

I just realised that I still technically have a boyfriend. Boyfriend is such a strong word. So is murder #overrated. Boyfriends are so weird, I'm not just saying this because I'm so experienced #imnot, or because penises kind of gross me out #theydoimeantheyjusthangtherelikewhatthef*ckamimeanttodowithitohmygoddiditjusttwitch? 

Boyfriends are weird in the sense that they are so much better when you're not with them. Or maybe its just because I never really, truly liked Louis. You know? Its like what Woody Allen says in Annie Hall:

Doctor! My brother thinks he's a chicken!

Well, bring him in so I can have a look at him.

I would Doctor, but I need the eggs.

Or its something like that. I needed the eggs. The metaphorical relationship eggs. I'm over-analysing again. I just wanted to be in a relationship until something better came along. Does that make me a terrible person? Whatever.

Like, all the best conversations I've had with Louis are in my head, because in real life he says something so unbelievably stupid, like chamomile tea. No, not ca-momile like the 'a' sound in cat (the obvs correct way) but chhhhhh-amomile like the 'ch' in cheese. What the actual f*ck? Or something like "I have never fully read a book." Well there goes our super sexy conversation about today's relevance of Chuck Palanhuik. Good f*cking job, try getting me wet after that. 

Sure, I mean the sex aspect is alright with Louis, but I mean after a while, being with the same guy is so repetitive and you know exactly what he's gonna do. You know all his moves. I mean, we're not old and married, watching repeats of The OC (cause that will be our generations equivalent to Get Smart or Hogans Heroes) together. We're young and at our horniest. Cause you know, that right after he chokes you and then bites your neck that he's gonna pick you up and then throw you back against the bed #vanilla. Honestly, the sex was average, and according to Cass, cause its like a f*cking time warp in there, our sexing only lasts on average roughly twenty minutes #pooreffort.

I didn't even feel those nervous butterfly's anymore. That's when you know a relationship is over. Or when he kissed you softly or pulls your hair, chokes you and then slaps your ass, and you're thinking 

"Ugh, again?"

I don't even know whats happening. We could be together or we couldn't. We haven't spoken in a while and honestly I really don't care. I am so tempted to text him being like,

You are dropped. 

Just to be really dramatic and aloof. Also I've been watching too much Puberty Blues.

I think he's in Queensland right now, but I'm not really sure. And I don't really care. I have Woody Allen and Casey Affleck to obsess over.