I'm not a slut or anything

I would like to use this time introduce all my current boyfriends. Um, I'm not a slut or anything so you totally cannot judge me okay? I just can't be tamed. Deal with it. They all love me so much and like, I need to make up a timetable as to who I spend my time with, because you know, I can't be having favorites now can I? That just would so not be fair.

Boyfriend #1 - James Franco

 So James is really nice. He even lets me call him Jamie sometimes. He come over and he brings weed cause he like, always does it cause he used to be a drug dealer and now hes like this way successful actor thing. I don't really know, mainly we just make out and stuff. His hair is really nice and always smells of oranges. He doesn't really shower much but I don't care. He's really sweet and skinny and cute. He thinks he can like be an artist or whatever now. Whatever. I like to let him have his fun, you know?

Boyfriend #2 - Louis Garrell

Did I mention that Louis is French? Yeah, well he is. I don't really know what he's saying half the time cause of his accent but pretend to cause it makes him happy. His nose is really big and he's really cute. This one time, when I was super sad about being fat #always, he made me pancakes and even though I hate pancakes I ate them cause they were French and tasted so much better obvs. We're going to move to Paris soon and I'll wear black all the time, and smoke French cigarettes and stay skinny, even though I gorge myself on pastries, and Louis will love me forever.

Boyfriend #3 - James Dean

Some people judge us when they see us out in public. But you know what? Love has no bounds. Yeah so what he might dead. Does that matter? No. Okay? No. You have no right to judge us. Jimmy's so sweet even though he's got that super sexy rough exterior of a troubled rebel. He takes me out on his motorbike and we just like, go through the city, yelling at squares for being so lame. For kicks he just sits around smoking and looking really brooding and troubled and angsty. He's so amazing and he looks so young #foreverinmymindcausehe'sdead:(

Boyfriend #4 - Marky Mark

He really likes it when I call him Marky Mark. He lets me feel his muscles and in return I watch him perform dance routines to Good Vibrations. Out of all my boyfriends he's the most muscly which is weird cause I normally like 'em scrawny and weird with nice arms. He has the whole confident "I'm a douche who can beat you up did I mention I was really into drugs?" thing going on #hot. Sometimes, we bring out the rubber penis from Boogie Nights and incorporate it, shhh.

Boyfriend #5 - Woody Allen

Woody is just perfect. He's so neurotic and smart and funny and sexy. I don't want to have favorites out of all my boyfriends, but Woody's definitely looking the sexiest at the moment (I'm being deadly serious). He talks to me about death and sex. I'm his muse for his writing and film ideas. We sit around being pseudo intellectuals and sometimes he even lets me have sex with him.

To be continued...
later when I can be bothered writing more.