Boys are Worthless

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Boys are so stupid and complicated. Personally, I don't have this issue because my love life is non existent, but the amount of stories my friends tell me just adds to my experience, and I've come to the conclusion that boys are worthless. 

The best kind of boyfriend is an imaginary one. You don't need to always look good because he loves you for who you are. You don't get into fights because he always agrees with you, because he is you! You don't need to hide from him when he knocks on the door and pretend that you're not home, just because you can't be fucked talking to him. Real life boys are so dumb.

I'm sitting in the cafe of my school. We're sitting around the table, huddling in front of the heater, talking about all the idiotic boys in our life. Alexia's on the floor doing yoga and Alex is wondering if she can get any free food from the cafe. Doubtful. Fergus, the gardener, comes in and Alexia tries flirting with him. 

"I'm so in." she whispers to herself in childs pose as he walks (runs) away (from her).

Alexia's love life is kind of really confusing and leaves me disorientated. Josh and her have been texting heaps (aw bless) after she had successfully targeted him at a party a couple of weeks ago. It was so cute. They hooked up and then after he threw up and she held his hair back #feminism. Zac took photos because that's apparently what you do nowadays to mark a momentous occasion. So Josh was texting her and he was being really confusing and even I got disorientated while she was explaining it to me. Apparently he's a 'troll' and he was 'trolling' her. What the fuck? Boys are so weird. 

Alex's love life is a little different. She was telling us in Lit the other day about how she met this really super hot American guy. We were all so jealous. So, her eBay account wasn't working so she called up PayPal. The guy on the phone working for the help centre was this really hot, apparently,  American guy. His accent was soft, smooth and calm. He had a slight Texan twang and she pictured him sitting on his chair, naked, in the dimly lit light, smoking a cigar, with a cowboy hat slightly tilted and cowboy boots, purring his helpful words to her seductively. 

"I'll send y'all a new confirmation code." he drawled.

"Oh you're too kind."

And my love life just doesn't exist. I spent my spare class yesterday making a sepia collage of hot celebrities using Photoshop. My 'friends' judged me just because Louis Theroux and Woody Allen made the cut. I put it above my bed and my dad majorly judged me. He declined my offer to print one off for him.

WOW! For a limited time only, this amazing collage is available for only $135! Mention this blog name for a 5% increase! Don't miss out on such an amazing offer!